Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)
Cast: Jennifer Morrison, Matthew Davis, Loretta Devine, Hart Bochner, Joseph Lawrence
Director: John Ottman
Synopsis: Painfully contrived and braindead sequel to the cheesy but fun Urban Legend
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

It took an addicted horror film buff three years to finally getting around to watching this big studio slasher follow up to the cheesy but hugely enjoyable Urban Legend. The reasons for the delay were the humungous piles of abuse that was heaped on the film, not only by mainstream reviewers whose opinions when it comes to the horror genre are best scoffed at, but the movie was also horribly molested by true fans of the genre who ranked it as one of the biggest turkeys in recent memory. Secondly, co-reviewers for this website sent dire warning signals of “don’t waste your precious time on this stinker” which were duly heeded, right until now that is.

When confronted by a sticky monsoon Sunday afternoon with the Wimbledon Men’s Final over in short time (Federer wins easy!) and a brain that demands fodder with a maximum IQ level of 3, one was left pondering several options at the local DVD shop. Should it be Old School which seems to fit the requirement perfectly, or then American Pie 2 which one had so far avoided out of sheer embarrassment (to oneself!). When Urban Legends: Final Cut was spotted in a pile of cellophane wrapped DVD’s at a mere $1.50, all resistance melted away and the moment had finally arrived.

This time around the scenario is the countries most elite film school where a bunch of extremely unlikely wannabe’s is competing for the illustrious Hitchcock Award which is a guaranteed fast ticket to Hollywood. Just to make sure the competition retains its cut-throat competitive edge a ridiculous looking figure wearing a fencing mask appears from the shadows to make sure the Hitchcock Award isn’t awarded to the non deserving. This is achieved by slaughtering members of the student body and whittling the competition down to a more manageable size.

Red herrings are littered far and wide in a desperate and hopelessly lame attempt by scriptwriters and directors to infuse even the slightest element of tension or interest into proceedings. It doesn’t work and the film lurches from one tedious “death” set piece to another in excruciatingly predictable style with the plot (if you can actually refer to it as a plot at all) increasing in awfulness and ineptitude with each passing moment. By the time the payoff arrives, the viewer is least bothered about whom the “real” killer is and it comes as no shock at all to discover who the fiend in that stupid looking fencing mask really is (surely the most uninspired mask ever to appear in any horror film?).

Among the cast are Matthew Davis who is probably busy trying to expunge this blot on his increasingly impressive CV and rather plain Jennifer Morrison who doesn’t make much impression at all – hardly surprising given the atrociousness of the script. There is also the cheerful Loretta Devine leftover from the first Urban Legend film, Hart Bochner as a film teacher as well as a dead ringer for Gina Gershon, (snagged the lead in 2Fast 2Furious) but about thirty years younger. John Ottman directs this mess without a clue and despite the crippling script suggests that thus far his talent lies in composing for horror films rather than directing them. Even his music at times sounds very much as though he’s using rejected moments from his score for H20.

So is the film deserving of all the scorn that has been heaped on it by virtually everyone who has seen it? Sadly the answer is an emphatic “Aye” because really, however hard one looks and searches, there are no redeeming features evident at all. Urban Legends: Final Cut is not scary for a moment and not even cheesy or unintentionally funny enough to merit an afterlife on the cult shelf or any repeat viewings either….ever. Hell, you know you’re in for trouble when the best quote they could find for the DVD cover is “Horror film buffs won’t be disappointed!” from that bible of movie reviews “The North County Times”.