Poison AKA Love Thy Neighbour (2001)
Cast: Kari Wuhrer, Barbara Crampton, Jeff Trachta, Michael Cavanaugh
Director: Jay Andrews
Synopsis: Steamy and pretty dire Hand that Rocks the Cradle rip-off
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

The DVD sleeve mentions that the film is in the vein of “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle” so one knew exactly what to expect when slipping it into the DVD player. What wasn’t evident from the cover is that this is a straight to video piece of low grade soft core rubbish that relies on extended sex scenes in its attempt to keep the viewer interested. It doesn’t work because the Fast Forward button was immediately brought into action once the interminably dull fleshy bits appeared.

This film is pretty much a cheap, exploitative piece of uninspired drivel designed to suit the palette of the least demanding viewer (like myself). The plot holds no surprises and is stock “evil bitch on the revenge” territory using seduction as her major weapon. And so the smouldering siren Kari Wuhrer arrives to destroy the household that robbed her husband of his job and drove him to suicide. She seems to have had some experience of breaking and entering because she seems to do so with utter impunity and without the slightest problem at all. Seems 9/11 didn’t do all that much for the “home security”of the rich and famous because all doors appear to be penetrable and there appears to be no security in sight.

Ms. Wuhrer poses as the maid from the “agency” (having stabbed and stashed the real maid in the family freezer) and proceeds to ingratiate herself brilliantly with the inhabitants who are not in the least bit sceptical about who she is or what their new maid’s background might be. On arrival she cooks up an Italian feast using loads of sugar in the recipe knowing that the lady of the house is diabetic. Her murderous plan also involves helping the hormonally active teenage daughter to escape her restrictions, helping her to escape for liaisons with boyfriends and the like much to the annoyance of her business tycoon mother who doesn’t have the time of day for her children nor (unsurprisingly) for her slimy geek of a husband. Bit by bit Wuhrer uses her considerable powers of seduction to “win” over the family members but actually to drive a wedge into the family and break it.

Kari Wuhrer, or Anaconda and Eight Legged Freaks fame is clearly an actor for whom time is fast running out for making her mark on the big league – clearly she hasn’t succeeded as her best bet has thus far been a Monster Spider invasion film that failed to click. This particular straight to video effort from 2001 is a stinker and would only serve as a blot on a CV that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. The plot is threadbare with holes large enough to drive a truck through them and the acting on display is painful especially that of Jeff Trachta who should never have been removed from his day time soap environment. His is a putrid performance though poor Barbara Crampton (from Re-Animator) as the rich bitch breadwinner of the family strives hard but with little success. The lovemaking scene where she thrusts a juicy breast down her husband’s gullet is painfully embarrassing to watch and typical of the type of movie this is…and it goes on for what seems like an eternity.

Soon Wuhrer having seduced the awful struggling soap star now turns her attention to their teenage son (who unsurprisingly hasn’t appeared in any movie after this one) and for a moment it also looks like she’s going to molest the teenage daughter as well. The highly predictable proceedings wind their way to their utterly dull conclusion and the film comes to a mercifully quick end thankfully – its strongest point being its short running time. This is dull, uninspired piece of exploitative, sexy trash which could have actually been far more enjoyable had it been injected with a little subtle humour and given some substantially campy treatment – sadly it lacks both and end up being utterly boring and predictable with no style, no innovation and some pretty awful acting by everyone concerned.

Ms Wuhrer looks great though and is suitably seductive and alluring even if this film suggests yet another reason why her career is utterly stalled and heading in no direction at all. That she snagged Eight Legged Freaks after this dismal show was highly commendable yet it does appear that she is in severe danger in becoming the newest queen of the crap-straight-to-video pot-boiler and the advancing years don’t help either. This film is a tacky, horribly acted embarrassment of a Hand that Rocks the Cradle rip off and even Ms. Wuhrer’s shapely figure and sexy antics cant help take ones mind off the absolute rottenness of the exercise.

Poison is instantly forgettable piffle fully deserving of its lowly “straight-to-video” status and not worth a Rupee more than the measly Rs.90 that the absolutely perfect pirate DVD was purchased for - Fancy spending $25 on this piece of excrement. We must add at this point that we in no way condone piracy, yet the fact remains in our part of the world, the only films available to us are pirates, so it’s a choice between watching nothing or watching whatever might be available to us in the market. Ordering from abroad is not an option with the postal service being so utterly unreliable.