For Y'ur Height Only (1979)
Cast: Weng Wang,
Director: Raymond Jury
Synopsis: Can 2ft 9" Secret Agent "00" save the planet from the ghastly Mr. Giant!?
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

This totally insane Filipino secret agent movie starts rolling in typical Bond fashion with a sultry female number accompanying the opening credits that feature numerous shots of super secret agent Agent Double Zero AKA 00 in action – leaping off tall buildings, karate kicking a posse of hoods, strutting coolly down the streets of Manila oozing sex appeal from every inch of his 2ft 9inch frame! Yes, the “hero” of this fabulously bizarre Bond send-up is an extremely odd looking midget who despite his diminutive size, turns in an absolutely super-cool, towering performance.

Click above to watch a clip of Agent 00 in action!

In the opening scenes the audience is shown the arrival of one of the worlds leading scientists Dr. Van Kohler in Manila but moments later his car is ambushed and he is taken hostage by the dastardly goons belonging to the notorious underground crime syndicate run by the kingpin of crime Mr. Giant. Van Kohler is abducted and taken to a hideaway where he is told that he must deliver the N-Bomb to Mr. Giant so that he can proceed with his plans for world domination. Van Kohler shows defiance but Mr. Giant who speaks from behind a cheap, flashing ladies make-up mirror is not a very accommodating man.

The action switches to the street where a luscious beauty is saved in the nick of time from a deadly sniper attack by Agent 00 who then discovers that the girl is being terrorized by a swine by the name of Columbus who runs a drug running racket as well as a prostitution and extortion racket. She has been refusing their advances and so they are out to get her and had it not been for Agent 00’s timely intervention – she would have been stone cold dead by now. She explains everything to 00 who teams up with shapely undercover agent Irma in order to bust Columbus’s crime ring. Double 00 dishes out loads of shit but takes absolutely none, barking orders to Columbus’s scumbags “Talk or you’ll eat lead” as he thrusts his pistol in a goons face!

Before 00 takes on the case of busting Mr. Giant’s nefarious plan of world domination he is fully kitted out with the latest secret agent gadgetry – toys that would have James Bond having tantrums of envy and demanding a pay rise. First up there is a fabulous pendent that is to be used for “two way communication” and a ring (that he never needs to use) which detects all poisons. He is also given what his boss describes as a real “humdinger” of a gun that has been specially designed for 00 keeping in mind his physique. There is also a nifty looking grey hat which makes Odd Job’s accessory seem like an flaccid antique. This lethal weapon of a hat does everything Odd Job’s memorable hat did but so much more. This deadly grey hat can be deployed in any hairy situation and once set in motion it is controlled by the poison detecting ring. He is also given a nifty looking pen that doubles as a deadly killer dart gun as well as a utility belt that would make Batman drool with envy. This belt is equipped with all sorts of deadly high tech wizardry but perhaps its most telling attribute is its ability to “slice through steel bars” when the need might arise. He also already has a fantastic watch in his possession that performs a host of sophisticated functions. Finally he is given a set of brilliant shades which when employed allows one to see through people’s clothing and even the thickest material. So 00 is thoroughly kitted out with the finest gadgets as he sets off on his mission to bring Mr. Giant to justice and to crush his burgeoning crime syndicate – something even the country’s armed forces have been unable undertake thus far.

Click above to watch 00 intro!

Slowly but surely Agent 00 begins to thwart the evil designs of megalomaniacal Mr. Giant by crushing his powerful assistants Columbus, Cobra and the equally vicious Mr. Kaiser. Once these henchmen have been neutralized by the slick manoeuvres of super secret agent 00, he is able to devote his attention to deflating king pin himself – the all powerful Mr. Giant and a deadly battle to the death follows once he locates his deadly nemesis who turns out to be a Giant of truly bizarre proportions, and a deadly master of martial arts to boot. However with a combination of expertly administered Karate chops delivered mostly around the protagonists groin region, as well as the astute use of his powerful array of gadgetry, Agent 00 is able to assume a position of supremacy and soon has his enemies on the run. In addition to his brilliantly precise Karate chops Agent 00 is also equally adept at flying kicks, deadly and spectacular stunts but perhaps his most dazzling move of all is zipping across polished marble floors while handling his “humdinger” to deadly effect.

Like most brilliant secret agents, part of his arsenal is his unbridled and raw sexual magnetism that has females drooling for his attention and he tries his damnest to please, stopping for an occasional smooch even while being chased by a pack of Mr. Giants deadly accomplices – after all, some things just cannot be resisted, even by our diminutive bow legged super-sleuth. His uncomplicated chat up line of “shall we get it on” proves devastatingly irresistible as the girls just cant get enough of his brawn and boyish looks.

This is a sublimely insane film and best of all is that even though it was clearly meant as one huge joke, the film is performed totally straight faced and with deadly seriousness that it ends up being a totally surreal experience, enhanced by the fabulous display of stupendously hideous Hawaiian shirts and greasy fat men with Punjabi style paunches. For Y’ur Height Only is a truly astounding film – hysterical, surreal and inspired – a real, erm Humdinger!

Where is the sequel?