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End
of Days (1999)
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Horror is back in vogue, or so it seems for the moment with A list stars queuing up to get their bite of the bounty. Bruce Willis received the most incredible shot to his sagging arm with last years colossally successful Sixth Sense, then we had Indiana Jones Ford signing up for What Lies Beneath and Kevin Bacon doing his Hollow Man and William Friedkin flaunting yet another version of The Exorcist to packed cinemas. The End of Days starring Hollywood heavyweight Arnold Schwarzenegger arrived just in time for the Millennium countdown as its plot is bizarrely connected to predictions of doomsday arriving as the 20th century draws to and end. The film is an amalgamation of staple horror movie ideas, meshed forcibly into one "new" package. The plot is similar to the 70's smash hit The Omen in that it involves a group of geriatiric Roman priests who one fine starry night find that it is the night of "the eye of god" which means all sorts of terrible things for humanity in that somewhere some blighter is about to be born who will supposedly bring about the down fall of all Christianity and therefore mankind! Satan is about to unleash his spawn onto the earth by bonding with the woman who is "the chosen one". So here lies the crux of the story……..the race is on to stop the devil before he is able to procreate with the chosen one and produce the ultimate of evil….Son of Satan Mark 2 for the 21st century. Dastardly Evil manifests itself in the form of a Predator like digital artifact and finds Gabriel Byrne as a useful host from which to perpetrate its unholy terror onto the streets of New York City…..clearly Satan's number one haunt. And so it goes, our intrepid, hardened investigative rogues led by Arnie and sidekick latch onto the trail of mayhem left behind by Byrne as he goes waltzing around the city inducing all sorts of murder and mayhem in the search for "the chosen one". There is a bit when the Terminator theme music comes thundering back as Arnie goes about his business….how appropriate considering how similar both movies are. Basically it's The Omen meets The Terminator as Arnie battles against the countdown to the Millennium while the search is on for the woman who will bear the devils child. The films plot is pretty awry to begin with and rapidly the entire affair turns into farcical comedy with its battle of evil vs good and the underlying theme of a man confronting his own faith. End of Days is staggering in its sheer predictability. Every attempted twist falls embarrassingly flat. All the special dazzling explosions, flashy special effects, morphing CGI creatures, loud crescendo's of ultra dramatic music amount to very little as the sheer stupidity of the basic plot hold sway. Gabriel Byrne does remarkably well to maintain a straight face while delivering his rather comical impersonation of Satan. If you though Pacino's devil in Devil's Advocate was camp, try this one on for size. Schwarzenneger himself, delivers a performance that almost parodies his countless roles as the paragon of goodness against the forces of evil. The scenes where he breaks down and weeps is a first in the illustrious Schwarzenneger career, and one that ought not to be repeated in haste. Another scene where Arnie gets the shit kicked out of him by an pudgy old lady is surely also a first. It is a ridiculous film from start to finish, brainless beyond belief, yet far from being Schwarzenegger's worst. Director Hyams consolidates his reputation as being the king of Hollywood Silliness after his unintentionally hysterical The Relic as well as other no brainers like Sudden Death, TimeCop, Narrow Margin. Works best as high farce.
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