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  BATS (1999)
Starring: Lou Diamond Philips, Dina Meyer, Leon Carlos Jacott, Bob Gunton
Director: Louis Morneau
Synopsis: Dire creature feature with very little if anything that impresses
Reviewed by: Omar Khan

"Its so rotten it isn't even funny....An embarassment from beginning to end" Time Out

"has more than the whiff of the excremental about it" Empire

"time waster" Video Movies Guide

 
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This movie is utterly dire with no redeeming features worth a mention. The story has clearly been written by someone who doesn't have an ounce of originality, or a shred of imagination. This may as well have been written by a machine, a bad one at that.

Though the cinematographer and the music director work overtime to try and blow some life into this slice of tedium, there efforts are wasted as things remain terribly dull and predictable throughout.

Dina Meyer, who stole scenes effortlessly in Starship Troopers has gone backwards making appearances in sub TV movie material like this that should have gone straight to video to begin with. She resembles Linda Hamilton from T2 and plays a batologist or whatever it is you call them. The poor gal has to spout some truly infantile dialog courtesy of the brain dead scriptwriters of this film.

Not even as a gore flick does it satisfy as the attack scenes are presented as a series of blurs and whooshes which happen so quickly that you don't really know what is going on in. It's a common technique adopted these days to try to avoid censor trouble and ratings problems, but more so to save money on decent special effects. By showing us blurs and swishes accompanied by shrieks and wing flapping sounds, the film makers get away with supposedly staging real bat attacks, something that was clearly way beyond their capabilities.

If things really werent bad enough, the film is totally devoid of that tongue in cheek humour or biting wit that made Lake Placid such a delight. Instead this dud relies on a truly puerile, insultingly stereotypical bro act provided by horrendous "new find" Leon. His performance a bad experience even worse. This is such a stale and boring effort that one spent about as much time watching ones watch in the hope that time would somehow move faster and that this mind dulling experience would be over.

It isn't a very long film, but it felt like an eternity coming to its supposed climax. . Could have been saved perhaps by truly campy, witty treatment, but that is nowhere in evidence. So what we are left with is a totally uninteresting yawn of a creature feature without even the requisite or shock effects to keep the most non discerning viewers happy.

Dud city, this one… not even good for a few laughs, or even one. Leon should not be allowed to torture paying viewers ever again and the director should take a sabbatical. Poor Dina Meyer, wallowing in rubbish like this while her co-star from Starship Troopers Denise Richards is flying high with the stars in tinsel town. This film should have gone straight to the cut price video section rather than appear anywhere near cinemas. A wretched and horribly dull film indeed. A major yawn.


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