To actually endure this gargantuan atrocity is one heck of an achievement, and just shows to what lengths our team of reviewers will go to uncover some of the most fascinating retro-art that has ever been captured on celluloid. Shock Maar is a stunner in every sense of the word. It is just so amazingly, overpoweringly abysmal that one is almost lost for words in trying to find a fitting description. Yet there are people like John Waters who would be quite envious of the master directors of the frontier with their ability to plunge to unprecedented levels of smut and sleaze. All the more remarkable is the fact that these monumental pieces of celluloid smut are produced in what is considered the most pious and conservative belt of Pakistan, where people like to think of themselves as being the true torchbearers of Islam.

In this turd of a movie proceedings begin with a group of celebrating "shaadi-waalahs"driving through some rough terrain. Moments later they are assailed by some fierce bandits who proceed to loot them at gun point. Soon a shadowy figure clad in all black arrives to mercilessly spray bullets into the crowd of men, women and children. A mother manages to escape Shock Maar's horrible execution with her rather doll-like child before being brutally gunned down by the villainous creep. She manages to chuck her child skywards as she dies but fortunately for her, a friendly Neanderthal happens to be passing by who catches the doll, er sorry, child and decides to adopt it as its own. The Neanderthal teaches the child about the ways of the jungle and how to deal with the likes of zebras, tigers, elephants, giraffes, man eating rubber crocodiles and of course lions who all seem to have migrated from Africa to the outskirts of Peshawar to seek a better and purer life.

It doesn't take long for the Neanderthal's adopted child to grow up into an incredibly handsome and intensely brave young Tarzan clone. One day Tarzan comes to the rescue of a busty damsel who escapes from the clutches of the beastly Shock Maar who was about to have her sent to his pit of writhing king cobra's for a bit of fun. Tarzan takes his new lady friend to his tree house, which no doubt had to be reinforced and fortified to withstand her rather "healthy" weight.

As in the charming Blue Lagoon, the jungle bound couple soon begin to feel strange desires entering their midst. Here, we are treated to a bevy of songs and situations structured quite simply to titillate in the crudest manner. Lots of bum and boob shots, heaving torso's, undulating hips and plenty of flesh on display and we even get treated to a quite nausea inducing mouth to mouth epic. That's not all though as the plot toys with incest and then clubs the unsuspecting viewer right between the eyes with a dazzling lesson in sex education.

We have a scene where Jane, who has just spent a night jostling with Tarzan, is seen lying in the forest not looking too happy with life. The camera does the usual thing in Pushto cinema which is to zoom in on the exposed, fleshy thighs but this time there is a shocker in store. We are shown a streak of blood oozing from in between Jane's legs and it has zig-zagged all the way down her thigh to her knee. The Neanderthal finds Jane in this state and rushes off to tell Tarzan who arrives at the scene in a flash. He then parts her legs and fingers the place where the blood is oozing from!

Jane wakes up all flushed and embarrassed and tells Tarzan not to mess about. Tarzan still parts her legs once more and points to the blood at which point Jane gets all coy and whispers to him that the blood means that she has now become a woman!

This scene is the low point of an utterly sordid two and a half hours of gutter level cinema. The director no doubt felt he was doing a social service by educating the masses about menstruation. To discuss the movie any further would be flattering it as it doesn't deserve even this much attention. However there is one enormously exciting scene when our bulbous beauty strips off and takes a dip in the local lagoon only to have the impish Neanderthal hide her clothes. Noticing the unclad beauty, a basking rubber crocodile suddenly develops an insatiable, lustful appetite. An attack scene follows, more terrifying than anything witnessed in Jaws as the rubber croc, lips(!) glistening in the midday sun, menaces the young babe. She shrieks for help and tries sensibly to scare off the croc by exposing herself to it. It takes Tarzan's timely arrival and death defying battle against all odds that saves the day as he ravages the marauding croc and manages to deflate the animal and bring it down to size. They later eat the hapless and rather deflated latex beast as a snack in between jostling..

Horrendous as it is, this film is however an excellent specimen by which to illustrate the massive double standards that exist here in Pakistan. It is astounding that films like these are produced within Pakistan for consumption by the general public including women and children. Its not so offensive that such gutter level filth is churned out for the adoring masses but far more offensive that the same people who create and watch this muck are always the first to point offending fingers both east and westwards for their "morally corruptive" influence.

Sleaze is alive and well and thriving in Pakistan, unfortunately common sense and pragmatism are not. This movie is pitiful in every way yet it is valuable in that it shows a society its own schizophrenic reflection. Shock Maar is a pathetic piece of garbage - pathetic and sad.