Two former choreographers make their directorial debuts this year, Farah Khan with Main Hoon Na and Ahmed Khan with Lakeer. Both films have come within a space of three weeks of each other and whilst it may not be fair to compare, Main Hoon Na feels like “Mother India” compared to this pitiable excuse for a film.

If it isn’t ridiculous enough to have the title ‘forbidden Lines” tagged on to the title of the film, the film decides to take you on a torture run for all of three hours, the mind left reeling with why anyone would make such a film.

The film opens with a voice over setting the scene for the audience as to the main characters of the film. We start off with our central character Arjun Rana (Sunny Deol), a yateem who was picked up on the streets by some kind “Don” who takes over the mantle of don on the demise of his beloved “baba”. Baba also had a son, Karan (Sohail Khan), the much adored “brother” of Arjun Rana and to add to the puzzle, we have the impish Bindya (Nauheed Cyrusi), little orphan Annie, also adopted into the fold by Arjun Rana because her father gave his life for “baba”. Little orphan Annie calls Arjun Rana Bhayya but Karan is not given any such fraternal affection. Doesn’t take a genius to know what’s about to develop (or not develop as the case may be) here. Arjun Rana adores his brother.

On the other hand, we have motor mechanic Sanju (Suniel Shetty) who idolises Arjun Rana and his gold Rolls Royce (!!!) and of course, he has a beloved brother as well, Saahil (John Abraham). Saahil, Karan and Bindya all attend the same college.

Interspersed with all of this in the first 40 minutes are songs galore, little orphan Annie dressed as a cheerleader cheering on the college basketball team (duh!), alluring to no one but of course Saahil who falls for her hook, line and sinker. Ahmed Khan’s choreography comes to the fore with a plethora of dancers littering the scene in any and every jaded song that graces the scene, moving the film at a snail’s pace towards its most predictable premise. Yes, both younger brothers fall for the impish babe, which sets up a duel of sorts. Karan warns off Saahil who in a fit of frustration, decides to demolish his house and turn himself up to pulp whereupon, elder brother Sanju exacts revenge on Karan by beating him up. Into this fray steps Arjun Rana and now we have a crisis of what is right and what is not. Meanwhile, our impish Babe, having given her heart to Saahil, simpers in the background, fearful of all around her.

Interval brings respite but only for the few moments when we are thrust back into the battling twosome over the impish babe and after many a yawn and prolonged tedium, we finally have a death scene and protracted dialogues from the righteous Arjun Rana before we reach a conclusion.

Lakeer is an utter disaster of a film, a film which numbs the senses and simply bores the life out of the audience. Ahmed Khan has written and directed the film and you wonder what it was that he saw on paper, which prompted him to even want to make it into a film. He has no command on the medium and pieces together a dull and uninteresting film with a cardboard characters and a lifeless script. The sets are grotesque, garish, gaudy and over the top. Ahmed khan tries to impress at times with visuals but it makes not for a film! I recall a ludicrous song “shehzaade” wherein the director cans a shot of Karan standing by the waves...stunning backdrop with the sudden raining of desks, beds and the like. It provides the greatest evidence of the fact that this director knows nothing about substance…if it looks good, throw it in. Sadly, not much looks good in this flick. The choreography is dire, repetitive and nothing fresh emanates from the film.

Sunny Deol is simply an embarrassment. It’s certainly his worst performance in years. Suneil Shetty does not have much of a role and therefore, does little to impress. Sohail Khan is wooden and John Abraham, when he is underplaying, has his moments and is possibly the best of the lot…which is not saying much. Nauheed Cyrusi should stick to baby soap ads or the like… The crowning glory must be A.R Rahman’s music, if you can call it that. It is a preposterous score, one that should be a major embarrassment to him.

I have yet to understand the “forbidden Lines” bit. Not that the film gives you any such indication but it’s possibly the most interesting part of the film…debating what it alludes to. Could it be the rich-poor divide, or the foster brother-orphan Annie link? Ponder as much as you want, the film will give you no answers! A horrendous ordeal. Go back to choreography Ahmed Khan, which judging by this film, needs your immediate attention.