I sometimes wonder what possesses people to change the spelling of their names. I know its all to do with the stars but honestly, does it really make a jot of difference. Having seen Haan maine bhi pyar kiya hai, I am sure it has to do with trying every trick in the book to ensure the success of their film. Lets look at Dharmesh Darshan. Lootere was a classy action flick followed by Raja Hindustani, a rehash of old movies but crafted beautifully, the director being in full control of his medium. Those were the days when Dharmesh was regarded as the hottest director in town, almost. That was followed by the poor but nevertheless pacy Mela. To make up for that disappointment, he churned out another old fashioned emotional drama Dharkan which was slickly made and always engrossing.

Buoyed by its success, he now delves into romantic territory again with this tragically misguided attempt at creating a complex yet simple three way love story. The film opens with a song on a motorbike, our hero Shiv (Abhishek) singing to gay abandon about meeting "that someone" in his life. His counterpart Pooja(Karisma) is having the same thought under the shower, the in a towelled gown and finally, off to an interview. Yes, its the same old both show up for an interview but girl beats boy through cunning and snags the job. By a twist of fate, Shiv ends up as the General Manager. His punishment of her..he asks her to marry him which she immediately accepts and next, both are on the motorbike crooning love songs aplenty. Well, at least they did not end up in the shower together.

Married, the first indications of discord are present the very next day when Shiv opens the door, clad in a sheet with spindly legs and nothing much else on show, to the doodh wali who ogles and even refers to him as "dost", much to the chagrin of our very suspecting wife. Oh dear. Anyways, on the eve of her birthday, Shiv asks Pooja's brother and wife to meet him quietly so that he can plan her birthday but the wife insists on going on the Big Wheel at the fair with hubby, Shiv having to share with some slutty woman on her own. The wheel gets stuck and they all sit there, suspended in the air for the next 7 hours or so. Sounds like humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Shiv returns at 5am only to have a mad wife asking him where he was, to which he lies and says that he was at the office. The slutty woman's watch happens to have fallen into his pocket and foolishly, he says that he bought this for Pooja as a wedding gift. The next night, at dinner, the slutty dame turns up and Shiv's lies are exposed. Pooja leaves but all is revealed to her by her brother and hubby and wife kiss and make up.

Every Indian's dream is to go to "Swizzerland" or so the film says time and time again. So the couple go off for a delayed honeymoon. There, Shiv meets an old friend Meghna with whom he gets trapped in a landslide. So taking refuge in a motel, both draped in blankets, bufooning around until Meghna's blanket catches fire. The gallant Shiv, castes aside her blanket and wraps her in his own blanket...and inevitably, they decide to heat up the place with their own passion. I havent seen anything as ludicrous as this since the scene with Shashi Kapoor and Sharmila Tagore in "Aa gale lag ja", when she, shivering to death, has to be "warmed" by Shashi Kapoor through his own body heat.

Well, the shit hits the fan when Pooja stumbles across the truth and the couple are immediately divorced.

Enter Raj Malhotra (akshay Kumar), famous hunky film star who cannot even get a date of his own and is sheltered by the three stooges Himani Shivpuri, Shakti Kapoor and Kader Khan. But Pooja brings light to his life and naturally, he proposes to her and she seems to accept. Of course, it just happens that the manager of the hotel where this proposal is being made is our down in the dumps with stubble on my face looking sad Shiv. So what happens next? Yawn yawn...Will Pooja dump the good kind, benevolent and rich Raj Malhotra for the cheating waste of space ex-hubby who considers his infidelity to be "Chhoti si baat". Or will she see sense? Or is it the age old dilemma that if you have loved once, you cannot really love again. Or will Raj go off with new "Best friend" Shiv as a twist to this tale??? I bet everyone is just dying to get to the conclusion of this one and so I shant spoil the surprise. Surprise, did I say surprise? Get real. The only surprise there is is that there is absolutely NO surprise in this flick.

Oh what a dog's dinner Dharamesh Darshan has made for all of us this time round. There is not even 1% of originality in this film, neither does it have a convincing emotional base or storyline which is remotely interesting. Its so hideously predictable that there is a perverse sense of enjoyment in cringing each and everytime you hear the awful dialogues or the cliched situations the film throws up on a regular basis. Even his song picturisations are mediocre, almost throwing away the one advantage that he has, that of Nadeem Shravan's music. The film is over lit, sometimes one is blinded with the light on screen and sometimes, the film is shot in a hazy blur. Also shocking are the sets with backdrop to the entrance of Raj's house being a clear painting of a garden.

The performances are also in keeping with the film. This must be one of Karisma's worst efforts. Loud and charmless, you realise that this is not a spontaneous actress but one that has to work damn hard. She worked very hard in Raja Hindustani and came up with a good effort there. In this, she is simply shrill and over stated. The only thing going for her is that manish Malhotra has dressed her superbly. Abhishek, looking for his first big success looks uncomfortable in the first half of the film, but manages a scene or two with his gaunt and sad look later, Still, this is by no means an impressive performance although I am pretty sure that all he needs is the "right" role in the right vehicle for him to be accepted by those keen to write his obituary. Akshay Kumar has a miniscule role and enters the proceedings after interval. His role is almost an extension of his role in Dhadkan and he brings some charm to it of his own. Its not his fault that you cringe at his dialogues or the predictability of his role.

Musically, Nadeem Shravan have come up with a good score with some nice orchestration. On the whole, this is a crass film, almost an assault on one's sensibilities but nevertheless one which I found to be enjoyable for all the wrong reasons.