Gujjar Badshah is undoubtedly one of the most annoying and downright stupid films this reviewer has ever had the misfortune of watching.

Entirely my own fault as no one had asked me to take on the arduous task of reviewing the dregs of Lollywood fodder…..and Lollywood dregs can get seriously low as those who have watched the notorious Pindi Wal and Club Dancer and Khatarnaak will testify. Bursting with crudity and innuendo and masters of the simulated "by proxy" sexual act, these films sometimes strike one as being more pornographically perverse then anything bearing an X certificate.

Gujjar Badshah plunges to depths of crudity that I have yet to witness. Here is filmmaking that makes Pink Flamingo's look like a big studio production - seriously, this is film making at an astonishingly artless and basic level. The film has absolutely no semblance of a plot and those who will argue that it does - please feel free to enlighten us by dropping us a line. Basically the story goes a bit like so….a big fat turd of a retard who drives around in a Pajero with armed goons wants badly to be recognised as the prime Kingpin of Lahore.

Things do get a touch more complex when our hero, Gajjar Badshah proclaims that there can be no King of Lahore other than the great Daata Darbar Sahab or then God almighty himself. So basically the film is a series of absolutely hysterical clashes of ego between various horrendously attired hoods.

Gujjar is played by Gujjar Superman Sultan Rahi with his adversary played by Mustafa Qureshi. There are countless scenes manufactured to showcase their shouting capabilities and ability to look threatening. It doesn't work and both look like complete idiots.

As usual for Lollywood productions, there are the trademark scenes of degradation to women. Women are being abducted, murdered, beaten and raped every few minutes or so and it seems that all this is the norm. For a nation where honour killing is so prevalent, it is hardly surprising to see the brutalisation of women that seems to be the norm for these productions. Having barely recovered from the horrors of watching Daku Rani and the ghastly scenes of woman bating, here was more of the same, done with even more crudity and as though it was just a matter of fact thing for women to be abducted off the streets or even in her own home.

If Gujjar Badshah can at all be seen as a reflection of society during the time in which it was created, it is indeed a horrifying vision. The film is a shoddily put together series of slanging matches between the protagonists with dialogues that are meant to arouse and were probably written by a six year old.

There is a remarkable scene where even a young schoolboy is shown to be the epitome of a typical Punjabi movie hero with the striding walk, the twisted OTT machismo, the chest-first mannerisms and the amazing need to shout at the top of ones voice at every given moment.

A hefty and aging Anjuman provides the pyrotechnics during the song sequences and shows the junior brigade why she ruled for two decades at the pinnacle of Lollywood sirenhood. Alas, other than the couple of saucy, super energetic numbers she doesn't have much to do except put up with the usual attempted rape scenes. There are a couple of ultra sleazy looking sub heroes thrown in the mix but it is master buffoon Sultan Rahi who carries the day with a role that he had completely made his own by the time of his unfortunate and untimely murder in reality. He repeats his simple, golden and lion hearted village bumpkin role to perfection and he looks particularly unwashed and horribly unkempt which seems to be "the look".

It's a horrid film in every respect, lacking even the sense of humour or the overt campiness that can make such movies just about tolerable for their duration. This one doesn't pass the test and is a pretty severe endurance test and test of one's patience. It's difficult to recall a worse film than this atrocity. Ugh.

One near saving grace might be the outlandish garb worn by all and sundry plus the quite fabulous set of wigs used by the players rendering them a "look" akin to those on Picasso's children. The stabbing scene makes the shower scene in Psycho appear like Sesame Street in comparison! Also, to be fair, this movie contained less than ten rape or attempted rape scenes which can be seen as a significant step towards emancipation!?

Doubtful.