The nauseating nasal sound of Kumar Sanu crooning Dil Ka Rishta with the titles sets the scene for this hideously outdated and vapid film which encompasses every cliché in the book without exception. Incredible that in this day and age, that a film like this would be thrust down the throats of the audience with the expectation that it may find favour. It defies logic that anyone would want to produce a film like this.

Jai (Arjun Rampal), a mega rich businessman lives in Capetown but hotfoots it back to Mumbai for his dead mother’s birthday, believing that she will rise from the grave again and return to him and his father (Paresh Rawal). He has a best friend Anita (Ishaa Koppikar), who takes him with her to the school for the deaf and dumb where he sets eyes on the gorgeous but silent Tia (Aishwarya Rai). Smitten , he goes back to his father and tells him he is love with a deaf and dumb girl. Father is overjoyed that sonny has found someone. Jai goes back to the school and finds that Tia is most certainly not deaf and dumb (some may actually have their doubts on that score) and decides to contribute to the school charity function which has Tia as the centre stage. Jai pines for his love and everyone is convinced that she is in love with him as well. Unfortunately, the dream song is not employed at this stage to add credence to this theory. Bumbling Jai finally sprouts the courage to tell Tia who immediately zooms off to a man on the motorbike...to her beloved Raj (Priyanshu). Jai is gutted but in his utterly benign way, still tries to woo the lady with red roses and cars etc. but to no avail. Raj is the man for her.

Raj is not very well to do but is the sort who gains the sympathy of the audience by saying that he is a yateem and to add a few points with the ma-in law, he adds that in the jahez, all he wants is her to come with Tia. In other words, saint Raj. He does not react even when he discovers that Jai is smitten by Tia.

Raj and Tia tie the know and live in glorious marital harmony, a kid following soon thereafter whilst Jai decides to take the route of alcoholism. But best friend Anita goads him to give up the booze and be happy for Tia which he does instantaneously and then having turned over a new leaf, decides that he is fit to drive home... Pissed out of his brains, you know exactly what is going to happen and it does. He crashes the car into Raj and Tia’s car, sending Anita to her immediate death and also Raj. Oh oh!

Tia survives but lo and behold, she is now a victim of Amnesia. Jai then begs mother Rakhee that he would like to make amends and after a slap here and there, Tia is taken with mother back to Capetown having been told that her child is actually Jai and Anita’s and that she could help Jai look after the child. All this is until her amnesia is cured. What will happen then...will she accept Jai, will mother ever forgive Jai? Will Jai’s mother actually come back from the dead?

Aishwarya’s mother was responsible for this ridiculous story and you wonder in what world the lady lives in. This is not the 60s when you may have managed a melodrama of this kind and gone are the days of long lost mela separated twins or “us ki yaadash kho gaye”. It simply does not gel....Gulzar’s kinara tried a similar theme but with a great deal more intelligence and much more to offer than this risible dirge. Naresh Malhotra, who made the breezy and likeable Yeh Dillagi manages to make this one a drab affair almost from the start. There is not an iota of charm to the film although it has the gloss and sheen of a big film. And as for the corn factor, I almost keeled over on many occasions with the absolutely hideously unreal and corny dialogues.

Aishwarya looks gorgeous but it is apparent the lady needs a good director to bring out a performance from her. The same goes for Arjun Rampal who is simply atrocious in the film, dead droopy eyes and blank expressions meant to substitute for pain and guilt and suffering. Both would be more appropriately Dumb and Dumbo! Ishaa Koppikar is wasted and Priyanshu manages to bring a small spark to the rather dull proceedings.

Nadeem Shravan’s music is simply dire, like the film.