Rajiv Rai has had by and large, lived a charmed life, with his penchant for turning the ridiculous into entertaining and vacuous entertainment. Tridev was his milestone although by stretch of imagination could that be deemed to be anything else but 70s dirge dressed up in 90s clothing. It did however have a certain grotesque attraction to it. Vishwatma was a pale copy of the same and to an extent, he redeemed himself with Gupt. He finaly got his comeuppance with Pyaar Ishq Mohabbat, a risible love story from where begins his association with Arjun Rampal. Not able to give him a hit with PIM, Rai decided that he could repackage his hero and give him an action-packed role which would thrust the former model into the forefront. But in Asambhav, Rai has certainly achieved the impossible…he has made a film so bad that any less known director would find it almost impossible to recover form it. Seeing the film, you reel with the thought as to how anyone could invest so much moolah into a film so awful.

One feels a little bad for Rai, having chosen his subject that he has and releasing it at a time when there is talk of peace and Paki-bashing has become passé for he would have decided upon the subject three years ago when armies littered the borders of Kashmir, threatening to go to war. However, I have no doubts that even if the scenario had not changed, this awful film would have bombed at the boxoffice.

We start with the evil Pakistani ISI hatching a plot to kidnap the president of India to force the issue of Kashmir. Yousan (Mukesh Rishi) is the head of the afghan/Pakistani terrorist outfit who is out to steal Kashmir from India assisted by the ISI, looking like your cliched Pathan, speaking a garbled mix of hindi and pushto.

Next, we have the America returned daughter of the president who is gushing about taking a holiday with her father in Switzerland. No prizes for guessing what is to happen and shortly thereafter, due lapses in security, the President (Mohan Agashe) and his daughter are kidnapped and held captive on an Island in Switzerland. At this point, India sends their one man army, Major Aadit Arya (Arjun Rampal) to rescue the President. In the meantime, the goons involved in the plot to kidnap the President for the pakistabni President have imported a nightclub singer Alisha (Priyanka Chopra) who unwittingly, smuggles drugs for them to Switzerland. Its all a hotch potch really and one fine day, the damsel in distress sees her pal murdered and has no way to escape the goons. Thrown into this hotch potch is Mr Sam Hans (Naseeruddin Shah), a multi millionaire mixed up in all kinds of crime in Switzerland. Also involved, as an intermediary in the deal between the evil Paki goons and the kidnappers of the President, Sam Hans deep down is a patriot and he plans to thwart the evil machinations of the Pakistani ISI.

Major Arya manages to arrive under cover in Switzerland and discovers a mole in the Indian embassy. In the meantime, damsel in distress has spilt forth her terrible dilemma and soon, she is part of his two man team, trying to track down the President with the major. For a nimble nightclub singer, she proves to be adept companion, managing a good kick of two, handling guns and a mean driver to boot. Most of the time, we see the major with his bare torso, pumping muscles, ready for the kill.

To delve further into the story is simply an exercise in futility for it only goes from Bad to worse. Rajiv Rai has made a disastrous film…on ever level. If the script is dreadful, his entire execution of the proceedings is even worse. We still have scantily dressed women, sometimes vulgarly shot appearing in almost every scene. Subtlety is not something that comes easily to Rai. In Asambhav, it simply does not exist. Surprisingly, we did not have a seduction scene between the ridiculous Ms Brar and the Major. To add to all of this, supposedly aspiring to be an action-packed thriller, it’s extremely boring.

Arjun Rampal has the character akin to children’s puppet Joe 90… A performance is not required here but a degree of conviction may have helped. Asambhav will do nothing for his career. Priyanka Chopra is pretty dire as well but she cannot be faulted. The biggest laugh has to be Naseeruddin Shah in what must be amongst the most embarrassing turns in his career. Well, he did it for the money or for his director. Whichever it is, it’s an appalling sham of a performance. As for all the others, be it the Pakistanis, the Indians, all have been reduced to laughable caricatures. Mention must be made of Shahwar Ali, the male model who was to be introduced as a major villain by Rai. He makes probably the least impression in the film, even overshadowed by the voluptuous Ms Brar!!!! And what was Arif Zakaria doing in a film like this? Has Milind Gunaji sunk so low as to essay roles like the one he has here?

Viju Sha manages to dull the senses further with the most unexciting score to date. This was so bad that we simply watched it to see how much worse it could get. We were not disappointed in that respect.